“The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive.”
So it’s been a few weeks since I last posted anything. We suffered an unexpected loss in our family. My best friend’s mother, who I very much considered my own second Mom, passed unexpectedly at 75 years old. Loss and grief are nothing new to me, but this one really hit hard.
I firmly believe that as we move along in life, we begin to form our “chosen family”. My best friend and her Mom are family. Every holiday, every gathering, they are there. We would text and call each other. She was the best Mom anyone could ever ask for.
Loss is part of life, especially as we get older. I think that what is hitting so hard with Mom’s passing is that not only am I grieving her loss, but I am having to watch my best friend, my sister, my ride or die, go through this intense pain. And there’s nothing I can do other than just be there.
I think that as a Mom, we do tend to put other people’s feelings and needs in front of our own sometimes. Or maybe it’s the empath in me. Either way, watching someone you love so dearly in so much pain is almost unbearable for me.
When my father in law passed away last year, I immediately jumped into caretaker role. I set up the meeting with the funeral home, wrote the obit for my husband’s family, picked out the music, arranged the reception. I was so focused on making things easier for my husband and his family that I didn’t allow myself to take the time to grieve the loss for myself. I did learn from that. While I helped my friend with every step of her Mom’s service, I took the time to feel my pain. And to feel her pain.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. I have learned that I do need to make sure that I focus on my own pain. That I don’t bury it because I’m too busy taking care of everyone else. The support system that we have with our group of friends is also invaluable. We can cry together, laugh together, and get angry together. Mom was taken too soon. It’s okay to be angry about that.
I would also like to take this opportunity to make sure that the symptoms of a heart attack in women are known! We are not the same as men and our symptoms are not the same either! As with men, women’s most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women may experience other symptoms that are typically less associated with heart attack, such as shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting and back or jaw pain.
Mom was having trouble breathing and thought it was her asthma acting up. We lost precious hours where treatment could have been received. You can also visit womensheart.org to learn more about women’s heart health.
Mom loved a good Irish coffee! Our drink recipe will be in her honor this week. Hug your loved ones. Say I love you. Be kind to each other.
Irish Coffee
6 oz. Hot Coffee
Whipped Cream (optional)
Tinker with the alcohol amounts to fit your liking. I personally prefer less whiskey and more Baileys. They also make an Irish cream with almond milk now if you’re watching the waistline! Cheers!